Hang in there, Tanner. There are such wonderful things in store for you and I don’t want you to miss a single minute of them.
"Tanner, 14, self identifies as gay, and his online profile states: "I hate people. And life." In response to the cyberbullying Tanner has experienced, the "We Love You Tanner" Tumblr began to send a simple message: You deserve love and there are people who care about you. ♥"
That post above is the my post to Tanner. Not that I’m the boss of you, but you should go post one too.
The question is… can you love us knowing that we believe differently? and can we be a part of each others’ lives knowing that we have different beliefs?
We have accepted that you believe differently than we do. And we love you. Can you say the same?
After much deliberation and a lot of second-guessing myself, I decided I should write one last message to my brother. I felt it wouldn’t be right to not give him some explanation before I move ahead without him and his family. I wrote:
Well, I’m not really sure how best to answer that question. Because you’re my family, I will always have love in my heart for each of you — that has never changed nor will it ever. But, I can no longer keep up this one-sided attempt at reconciliation anymore. The rejection by you, the stubborn close-mindedness in reaction to me, and the hypocritical bigotry inherent in how you, and those who think like you, view the world is more than I can bear. I realize that you do not (or, more aptly put, refuse to) see it this way, but to think of yourself as accepting of me is a mistake. You may be accepting of our differences but that is an entirely different thing altogether that has nothing at all to do with the acceptance that comes from real, familial love. Our relationship has become as toxic to me as the one between me and our father. Just as with him, in the interest of my own well-being and self-preservation, I feel I must distance myself from the hurt & disappointment I feel when I even think about you all.
As I’ve discussed in previous posts, I’ve had some issues with my brother and his family, mostly around his feelings regarding same-sex marriage and LGBT equality. He cannot support either because his religion tells him that being Gay is a sin, so that’s what he believes to be the truth. Because we both have such strong feelings on these issues, we’ve been estranged, not seeing one another in over three years.
Upon reading this article, I felt compelled to share it with my brother and his wife, in hopes they might find a way to change their minds, even if only slightly, by applying some logic to their beliefs. Along with a link to the article, I sent this:
Look at you. Oh, you look so sad, Like you’ve lost your best friend. You never knew that it could hurt so bad. Never do until it ends.
And you’re way beyond blue, And you don’t know what to do Or how to find your way. You’re so far beyond blue That the rainbow you once knew Is nothing but six sad shades of grey…six sad shades of grey.
If you knew then all that you know now. Different choices have been made. Now you’re out there and you’re all alone, Watching the colors fade away.
And you’re way beyond blue, You don’t know what to do Or how to find your way. You’re so far beyond blue That the rainbow you once knew Is nothing but six sad shades of grey…six sad shades of grey.
I’m often asked what depression is like for me, why I can’t just cheer myself up and move on. The lyrics of this song describe it so perfectly that I was kind of freaked out when it randomly played on my iPod the other day. Since I’m trying to pull myself out of a really low place right now, I thought I’d share the song as a means of conveying my state of mind these past several weeks; if not longer, actually. I know it must seem like self-pity on my part, but it’s so hard to explain sometimes that depression is so much more than just being sad. I thought taking this opportunity to explain it a bit more — in song, even! — might be a good idea.
I’m trying to integrate myself back into the world (including social media) but it’s slow-going. There have been a couple of positive things to happen recently though, so I hope to be back to my old self (or maybe even better) again soon. Also, I want to thank so many people for the kind messages of support I’ve received. I hope you all know how much I appreciate them.