@ Jim's Whim

Wow. Just read this: “There’s a problem with the way we accept Charlie Sheen and condemn Lindsay Lohan.” (@sarah_ross)

It’s sad, because it’s true. Look no further to see the proof of the advantages provided to men in our (unfortunately) patriarchal society. Lindsay got caught acting out, was jailed, sent to rehab, and is essentially raked over the coals in every tabloid across the world every single time she messes up. She even had studio heads sending memos publicly reprimanding her, possibly killing any hopes she has of returning to an actual acting career.

Charlie Sheen, boozing it up with porn stars in a coke-fueled sexcapade in the Eloise suite of the PLAZA HOTEL (Good God!)? Yeah, he “had an allergic reaction to medication” is all. He’s quickly jetting back to LA where he’ll return to the set where studio execs & show producers have bent over backward and thrown millions of dollars at him to keep coming to work.

Uh…yeah. “Houston? We have a problem.”

One of my closest friends in college was a man named, Earnest Straughter, who was older than the typical college co-ed and yet, actually doing the whole “college experience”, living in student apartments next to us, getting scholarships. It was all kind of odd, but he was such a kind, generous spirit, and all-around wonderful guy that you didn’t think too much of it.

In the summer after my second year, Earnest got a strange cold that bothered him, and my friend, Liz, and I took him to the doctor ourselves to make sure he took care of it. He was always bad about that sort of stuff. He died the next day.

It was so sudden and really shook me up pretty bad, along with everyone who knew him. It was weeks later that Liz heard some gossiping people at her waiting job talking about “that drama major who died of AIDS”. We were livid! Just so convinced that it was another example of the small-town Texan mentality of bigoted assumptions that these assholes were jumping to such a horrible conclusion (Drama Majors Are Gay ergo Drama Major Dies of AIDS) about our friend.

But, it turned out that Earnest had, in fact, died of AIDS-assisted pneumocystis pneumonia. Earnest had actually come back to Texas to go to college, from living in New York City (he told the most AWESOME tales of partying at Studio 54!) because he got diagnosed with AIDS, and the school was close enough to his family that he felt like it was the most reasonable and enjoyable way to live out the little bit of time he thought he had left. If I thought I was floored by his sudden death, BOY was I completely knocked for a loop by learning all of this! Suddenly, all of these little clues started making sense in hindsight; his constantly having a new credit card every other week, his seeming lack of ambition when we all were so amazed by another performance he gave and told him he HAD to go back to NYC and audition…it all made perfect sense when you realized he was simply riding out his days at this college theater getting to act, doing what he enjoyed. It was so sad and so, SO hurtful that he didn’t tell us, but I could appreciate his reasons and certainly respect him for the courage it must have taken for him not to scream at all of us ignorant children every other day, “I’m sick! THAT’S why I’m not planning my “big break” like you, ya’ fools!”

There were a few other people that were “before my time” at the theater department, but that I met those first two years, who very quickly withered, shriveled, and died. I actually was one of the first recipients of a directing scholarship at Sam that the family of one of those alums lost to AIDS started in my last year. So, HIV/AIDS has certainly been a part of my life for many, many years.

Especially now…I received my HIV+ diagnosis in November 2008. I’ve only shared this information with a few people in my life, for all kinds of reasons, but it is certainly a major part of why I’m as passionate as I am about the disease, it’s prevention, and raising awareness.

It’s been tough for me, navigating the waters of disclosing, dealing with, and generally living with HIV. Now, almost two years in, I’m starting to see that I can really do more good for the world by telling people rather than trying to hide it. I guess it’s another facet of my activism, maybe? Or maybe simply the strong need I have to live my life as honestly as possible after spending so much time ashamed and lying to myself and everyone who cares about me by living in the closet? Regardless, it’s time “my secret” is no secret any longer.

Please know that I’m glad to answer any questions you might have, or tell you about my treatment, or whatever I can do to help you not feel uncomfortable about my disease or worry about me unduly. I was really lucky to have found out I was positive very soon after infection and have had an undetectable viral load since January ‘09. My T-cell numbers have actually been that of a normal, healthy, uninfected person since back in May, so I truly am doing well.

I would like to make a single request: please, no one tell me, “it’s not the death sentence it once was”. Honestly, I think it’s going to be a new mission in my life to put a moratorium on that. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that of the…let’s say 12, people I’ve told about my status, 10 have used that exact line verbatim. I mean, yes — it’s uncomfortable and no one’s really sure what to say. But that line doesn’t really help me feel anything but condescended to and a little bit patronized.

In the past few weeks, the news of my positive status got out to someone that I’d wished it hadn’t (I’ll be writing more on that experience later), and just this morning someone on Twitter called out one of the pills in my “Meds Photo” as an ARV drug for HIV, so I felt the time had come for me to start my “full disclosure” policy. At this point, my family and closest friends have all been told about my status, so no one needs to feel that this is a secret to be kept to protect me. I would ask that you all, my friends, consider the stigma that’s associated with HIV/AIDS though, and realize it’s what I’m trying to fight against in disclosing my status in such a public way.

Take care and be well.

This little exchange was in my Twitter timeline:

A: “being pro-dadt does not always equal homophobic #fact #DADT”

@Clarknt67: Yes, like being pro-Jim Crow doesn’t mean you’re racist.

I think this highlights one of the fundamental problems the gay civil rights movement keeps encountering; people aren’t seeing the relation between how all this hatred is legislated against us. I’m certainly dealing with it in my personal life, as members of my family say, “I don’t have any problem with your being Gay”, followed by, “Gay marriage is wrong and shouldn’t be allowed.”

I know this doesn’t seem like it should be so “black & white”, but…it kind of is, I’m afraid.